Feb 22, 2010
Grief is a strange thing, just as we\'re all individuals, so we deal with it differently. When my Grandmother passed away a few years ago, after a 6 month battle with cancer, it seemed to have less of an impact on me than the other grand-kids. I think that may have been because I along with my mother dealt with the day to day fight she had with the cancer. Taking her for chemo and radiation therapies. I think we were more prepared, having seen the decline. We still live in the same house, and for some strange reason, when I get home from work, once in a while, I say hello to her, even though I know she\'s not there anymore. One of my cousins still hasn\'t been able to come back to the house since, he can\'t face it. So I think it may be easier facing it on a day to day basis.
I look back, and I think I may have hit me harder when she told us about the cancer. I look back at some of my actions, and I think there may have been a little PTSD in there, but I was fine after she passed.
P.S. We have her ashes at the house, none of the others know this, and so far I\'m the only one who\'s picked up the container, and given it a bit of a shake, strangely heavy, and not sounding the way you think ashes would.
Grief, to me, is very much like the ocean. It\'s massive and overwhelming and it exists whether you\'re standing in front of it or not. But also, we choose our level of involvement with grief. We can wade in and let it absolutely envelope us and wait until we become accustomed to the cold. Or we can stand a little further up on the shore and brace ourselves when the tide gets high. We can\'t control the grief itself, only our relationship to it.
Living in Nebraska doesn\'t make the ocean less real or less present.
My sister called me at 5pm today to tell me our Grandmother has died. Not sure what to think. I am at first selfish because I said I would visit her in February but didn\'t have the opportunity. I saw her end of January so not so bad. Have told my daughter, she seems fine about it. About call my father, this could be tough...
I\'ve lost a few relatives over the years, being young and forgetting about it later works best. But on the whole - I don\'t think there is any way of coping with it, ever. You just begin living with the newfound pain and you make place for it in your life until you come to accept it. I still remember my grandfather crying on the grave of his mother when he was already an old man himself. So no - I guess it never gets easier no matter what you do or how you cope with it.
I think it is easier to grieve if deaths fall within the circle of life.
i.e. Your grandparents die, then your parents, then you, then your children etc..
When deaths occur that go against the laws of the circle of life, that\'s when it is really difficult to get over.
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